My close (and brief) encounter with scientology

I've been meaning to post this, but I kept forgetting....

background:
I'm feeling a little financial pinch over here. I have more than enough money in the bank to get home and get settled, except I have a small nest egg I don't want to have to touch so I can use it as a down payment for a car. I'm getting closer to that nest egg than I'd like. Moscow is expensive, let me say.

So when I saw an ad in the Friday Moscowtimes advertising "Americans needed to teach English, $1000-$2000" I called them up. They said come in to talk to us, and yesterday morning I did. They did not, however talk to me. Instead they made me take one of those occupational personality tests. When I saw in small print on the bottom that this was a personality test designed by none other than L. Ron Hubbard himself, I should have just walked away. But I didn't. (This place is called the American Language Center, by the way). I turned it in, and the Russian woman said they would look it over and call me. They asked me NOTHING about who I was, what I know, what experience I have. NOTHING. And I didn't get to talk to the director as promised.

I left with a strange little feeling and went off to the archive.

Later, they called, and the woman on the phone said that they want to hire me to teach a class in the mornings, M-W-F, starting tomorrow. Tomorrow? I said, can I come in and talk about this? Sure, come on by.

After work I go back. They introduce me to this other American lady who is a teacher, and who procedes to tell me her entire life story. Then one of the administators says (in Russian) "take this class, it goes from 7 to 9". "7?" I ask, "Yes, 7" Its a beginning level class because I speak Russian and can explain things in Russian. [They still know NOTHING about me] What's the pay? "250" "What, dollars, rubles, a week, a month?" Its $250 for the class, 12 lessons, or 24 hours of instruction time. Then the American woman pipes up and says that you either take $12.50 an hour plus a bonus if students sign up for the next level, or a flat $15 an hour without bonus. Something isn't right about that in my head, but I'm too tired and hungry to do the math. Then I have to read their classroom procedures and sign that if I violate their method, I will be fined. Whatever, I sign, I get the textbook. Class is at 7 tomorrow. I'm still concerned about the money, and this guy Vardan, who turns out to be the director, but hasn't introduced himself, says that its at least $300. I say, but she said "$250", and he looks at me and says "You're a professional teacher, right?" Well, no but you didn't ask this before. Then he says something about a guaranteed $250 and if I have good results, probably more. Whatever. I go home. Since the lessons are all planned out, its not a lot of work for me to do. Did I mention I saw the "Handbook of Scientology" sitting on the shelf. Aagh!

I go home and I do the math - something was fishy. $12.50/hour for 24 hours is $300. $15/hour is $360. $250 turns out to be some $10.41/hour. I resolve that in the morning, when I see Vardan, I will tell him that I will not work for less than $15 and hour and he can put that in writing or I walk.

This morning, my ass wakes up at 5:30 to get there by 7. I get there early and the door is still locked and there is no sign of anyone. I drink my coffee, am greeted by an adorable puppy (not vagrant, it has a tag) and then it tries ot bite me and hump my leg. I ask the owner of the puppy what the deal is. She says "there are never classes at 7am"

Which means that the woman wanted me to teach a 7PM class, even though they offered me a morning class and she's the ONLY PERSON IN RUSSIA who says 7 to mean 7pm instead of 19, which I leared a long time ago. 7 means morning, not evening. First of all, I can't teach in the evening, and second of all, these people are totally sketchy and I'll be calling Vardan soon to tell him where he can stick it, in Russian.

I think I've been subconciously looking for a reason to yell at some Russian, in his native language, and I think I just found it.

Преподавательницей английского языка, я не стану!

I never got to talk to Vardan...but I did get to yell at the lady about her inability to communicate time effectively. I have since been screening my cell phone calls.