the roof, the roof, the roof is on fire....

This is second hand reporting because when these events transpired, I was already at home, not quite crawled into bed....

Every Friday night the foriegn graduate students meet at this restaraunt called bilingua where we eat and drink and decompress after the week. We have a great waitress, named Vika, and we try to tip her very well. Its nice, the food is good (steak with blue cheese sauce!), and its a good routine. I left at about 9:30 or 10:00 last night. This is what happened a little later....

[I have edited my friend's description only slightly, so as not to put out some of my more sensitive readers]

Dears,

Bilingua burns! No kidding. If you don't believe me, take a gander at the accompanying picture (Photo credit: J. Arch Getty). I don't know if I can completely capture all the events, because as Arch commented, "The funny thing about all this is that they never told us that there was a fire and that we should leave." Confusion indeed reigned. We didn't really know the place was on fire until we got outside. Witnesses are welcome to send their own accounts.

At roughly 11:30 last night, Maya noticed smoke outside. At the same time, Vika went to open one of the windows behind our table. Of course at first we didn't pay both the smoke or her opening the window much mind. Next we heard fire extinguishers going off in the kitchen. Maya was surprised that they had fire extinguishers. I think most of us figured it was a grease fire. About two minutes later, the room where we sit filled with smoke. We grabbed out shit, scooped up the money, and got the fuck out.

The exit was quite calm. Most of the people in the place were dancing. At the staircase Vika was waiting with the bill. I grabbed it and told her I would settle it outside. At that point, I didn't know how bad the fire was and figured we'd be back next week. I didn't want to screw over Bilingua, and I certainly didn't want to screw over Vika. The bill was 6500 rubles, (it was a smaller than usual crowd this week. A sign?), and I wanted to make sure that at least Vika got her tip.

Maya and I counted all the money and figured out the tip. Collected a bit more from some people to cover the tip. The fire trucks arrived. Some people began clapping. I don't understand this clapping phenomenon. I've also seen this on planes where the passengers clap when the plane lands. Isn't safely landing a plane or, for firefighters, arriving to put out a fire their FUCKING JOB!? Clapping is like you're surprised the plane didn't crash or that the firefighters came at all. Maybe I'm the crazy one for taking such things for granted.

At this point, the fire was what you see in the picture.

Everybody that was in Bilingua, including all of us--Maya, Matthias, Arch, Darin, Eric, Venera, Gayle, Jean-Francois, and me (if I forgot anyone my apologies) stood and watched the fire. Darin noted the appropriateness of "the roof, roof, the roof is on fire. We don't need no water. Let the motherfucker burn. Burn motherfucker, burn" but attributed the song to the Bloodhound Gang. Their version was inspired by the Dynamic Three's 80s dance hit. But in this postmodern world origins seem to only matter when intellectual property rights are concerned. I'm sure the Dynamic Three was adequately compensated. Wherever they are. But I digress . . .

It doesn't take much to capture the attention of drunk people. We all stood there--Look at the pretty lights. Ooooh fire. Pretty fire.--watching the fire. I'm surprised I didn't hear anyone make a Beavis impression. I began wondering the crowd looking for Vika to give her the money. At this point I didn't care if she pocketed the 7500 rubles. She was now officially unemployed. At least for the foreseeable future. Jean-Francois joined me and as we wondered toward the back of the building, we noticed that the fire had spread. The roof of the stage area was ablaze.

We doubled back and noticed Vika standing down the street. I handed her the money. As you can imagine, she was worried about her job, but then sweetly said "Uvidimsia." I hope so but I wouldn't count on it.

Oh yeah, Arch never did get the veal he ordered. The theory is that the fire was all his fault.

As dedushka Lenin said, "Chto delat'"?

Maya and I will try to find another place. If anyone has any suggestions please let us know. There are no promises, but we'll do our best.

As of now, the Foreign Historians Congress is hereby dissolved.

I guess as the rockers say, its better to crash and burn than just crash. And burn we did.